How will I feel?

Recently my friend Kathy asked me a question. She may not have been prepared for my long-winded answer! Her first-born is about to leave home and move away. Knowing that I have already experienced this (and indeed am about to have my last-born leave as well) she asked me "How will I feel?" Here is my response:

Empty. Not ready. Full of grief. Regret for things not done, not taught, not shared. Regret that your biggest chance to make an impact on her life has passed. Not knowing what the future holds for your relationship. Grief at not sharing your daily life together anymore - not ever really knowing her future friends, her experiences, how she spends her days.

Also, you will start to grieve for Kris. It will feel like the beginning of the end of being together as a family. When she first comes home, it will feel wonderful when all four of you are together. Like a precious gift that the last few months has taught you should not be taken lightly.

Give yourself permission to grieve. That was the biggest gift that my friend Donna gave to me. After months of unacknowledged grieving (not knowing it was grief, just really missing Ryan and feeling sad and unsettled), Donna identified the feeling and gave me permission to really feel it. Almost immediately the grief started to lessen. That in and of itself was a lesson to me.

Now, with Shelby getting ready to leave home, I am not overwhelmed with grief or that pre-empty nest syndrome. I feel excited, hopeful, full of plans for this next stage in my life. Watching your kids become full-fledged adults may, by necessity, be done at a distance, but there is still joy to be found there.

Leaving Sarajevo

I leave in 59 days and was thinking about my time here.

10 Things I Found Strange About Life in Sarajevo:

1. The police are obsessed with fog lights. Jeff likes to drive with his fog lights on and he's been pulled over 3 times for that offense. Anything else they ignore, but fog lights seem to be a big threat. Even the random stops they wave us through because of our diplomatic plates.
2. Parking on the sidewalks and any other flat surface. Anywhere seems to be fair game for parking - it's crazy. Last time I was in the U.S. I started to pull my tires up on the sidewalk somewhere and then I snapped out of it.
3. Parking BEHIND MY CAR. We're in a locked, secure garage, yet still I go downstairs and someone has parked immediately in front of my spot. WTH?!?!??!?!? In what universe is this okay? Drives me insane.
4. Fear of fresh air. I think it's known as "propu" but they have a belief that open windows are unhealthy and will make you sick. I opened my window once in the taxi and the guy practically had a coronary - yelling No and reaching across me to wind it back up.
5. PDA. We live next door to a large city park with lots of bunches. Young couples do absolutely everything but... Well, maybe they do that too. I'm walking the dogs right next to them - everyone is walking everywhere - and they just go nuts on these benches. Blech.
6. Fear of dogs. Many Bosnians are really scared of dogs. Not all. If they are observant muslims, and a dog touches them, they have to shower before they can pray. My poor friend Shereen tries to be a good sport, but I see her face when my dogs come and rub up against them. I know she's instantly trying to figure out when she's going to fit a second shower in!
7. No big motive for profit. There are a gazillion coffee places all over town. You can sit there for hours and sip one cup and they couldn't care less. They have nothing else to sell (no food at all) and even in the restaurants table turnover is of no concern. My sister would starve working as a waitress in this country!
8. Where's all the money coming from?!? Unemployment is supposed to be like 46% here. (Can you imagine if that was true in the U.S.? We freak out at 5%.) Yet I see so many new buildings going up - modern shopping centers and so forth. I'm told it's Mafia money but the fact remains that money is coming from somewhere.
9. People obey the traffic lights! Like really! The lights go like this: green, flashing green, yellow, red. People here will stop on the flashing green. No one goes through a yellow unless they were trapped in the intersection for some reason. They'd get run down in the U.S.!
10. Fear of large bills. This is not quite as true as it was the first 2 years. Change and small bills are a precious commodity. No one has change - not the markets, not the grocery stores. I've tried to buy a couple of things with a 20 and been turned away. At the markets, you can forget it. We used to hoard and fight over our change. That seems to have improved...or we've gotten better at being prepared!

10 Things I Will Miss In Sarajevo:

1. My gorgeous, light, airy, penthouse apartment. I really love this place.
2. The view from my apartment. We have a gorgeous view of the hillside on the other side of the river and it's just so beautiful - in every season.
3. Cevapi. Yum.
4. The bread at our favorite restaurant - Dveri. Jeff can reproduce anything and even he has not been able to conquer this bread. SO good.
5. Real Coke. Not that I drink a lot of Coke. But the Coke here is still made with real sugar, not corn syrup. Big difference.
6. NOT driving my car. We take our car out like once every 10 days - on average. Just no need to drive. We are surrounded by shops and only a 15 minute walk from the embassy.
7. The incredible scenery just 15 minutes out of town. Mountains, rock faces, rivers. Gorgeous.
8. Jeff. Since he won't be in Ohio.
9. My bookclub. I love my bookclub with its international flavor. I'm usually the only American and there's usually not two people from the same country there. Such interesting perspectives and such interesting book choices.
10. The beautiful mosques. We have everything from mosques that have existed since Ottoman times to very post-modern (looking like spaceship) type mosques. Gorgeous miniarets, copper roofs, etc.